Untitled Document

LYRICS

Another Bad Disguise

It's a bird! It's a plane!
I can't believe it's punching me in my brain!
And I can't make it stop!

He smashed my cell phone,
and now I can't even call the cops.

This can't be real!
Grab the wheel!
The man of steel
is trying to steal
my automobile!

How impolite to start a fight.
I thought you always did what's right.
You caped crusader neophyte,
be glad we don't have kryptonite!

Ape At The Bus Stop

Bus stop, sharp pain, tranquilizer dart,
I can’t believe they shot me at the bus stop!
I’m just an ape, man.
I only wanted to catch the bus downtown,
To go to Harvard Square.

Don’t want go back to my cage again, no way!
Apes are people too, apes are people too.
Don’t want go back to the zoo again, no way!
Apes are people too, apes are people too.

Bad Disguise

Finger in my pocket,
Contacts in my eyes.
You can see right through,
My bad disguise.

Nobody fucking move now,
I’ve got a big surprise.
I don’t have a gun, but I’ve got a bad disguise.

Construction paper moustache,
Give me the cash,
I can’t afford another construction paper moustche.

Bang! Bang! Fake gun! Time to run!

Beating Up Danny M.

12:00, around recess time,
He said my car could pick up a dime.
So I put his face in the dirt.

He said some shit about my sister too.
I beat him till he was black and blue.
He was crying like a crybaby.

You would too if your ass was bleeding.

Bloody undies in the gutter,
Go crying to your mother.

Waistband around your head,
You piece of shit,
I hope by now you’re fucking dead.

Cats Are Tigers

We bought a tiger, dyed it white.
We never thought that it would bite.
All the stars were shining bright…
And then he bit me.

Cats are tigers, meine liebchen.

He asked me to be his bride,
To always be right by his side,
I felt so happy, I almost died…
And then he bit me.

I’m too sexy for my kitten.
Cats are tigers, meine liebchen.

Delectable Erectable (Eat My Dick)

When I am finished with my penis digestion,
The cops are gonna come and do some arrestin’.

We met on the net,
The table is set,
I just have to get
His written consent.

I made a flambé. Yay!

I’ll send the tape to Bob Sagat.
His detachable erectable was delectable.

Million Dollar Bill (Broadway)

Can’t breathe underwater without a gill,
Can't have a baby on the pill,
Can’t cry over milk unless you spill,
Can’t pay with a million dollar bill.

Maybe you were thinking, “When in Rome,
I’ll make some money on my own,
Instead of taking out a loan,
I’ll pay with the cash I made at home.”

“So now I find myself in jail,
With no fake bills to pay my bail,
The bread in here is fucking stale,
I never thought my plan would fail.”

No Whammies!

Running low on money, but I am running high on time.
Ice cream truck don’t bring me luck, and so I haven’t got a dime.
I figured out the patterns up on the flashing TV screens.
And with some luck, I’ll make a buck. It’s just a crazy as it seems.

So… give me the money!
Give me the money, money, money.
Give me the money, money, money.
Give me the money, money, money.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 patterns,
4 VCRS, 4 TVS.
“Big bucks, big bucks, big bucks! No Whammies, No Whammies!”

I haven’t hit a Whammy since my first time at the board.
But I can’t win with these free spins, and take the cash I’ve scored.
I’ve got over a hundred thousand dollars flashing on the podium display.
Now I’ll begin to flash my grin, “You never even got to play!”

Self-Defense Decapitation

A case with no head is like a horse without a saddle.
I’m gonna cut you.
I hacked up that corpse just like a butcher slices cattle.
I’m gonna cut you.

You’ll never find it,
You fucking geezer.
Your head is in the freezer.

2, 4, 6, 8, self defense decapitation!

You’re not from the panhandle.
Put your mouth around my manhandle.
Texas is a snakepit,
You gotta bite before you get bit.

Separate Ways (Heads Apart)

My brain, your brain.
Now we’re separated.

Half price haircuts.
Now we’re separated.

Now we’re in the spotlight,
Though our brains are not right.
The doctor said he’d drain ‘em.
I’ve got my own cranium.

Half price haircuts.
Now we’re separated.

Mommy it’s so scary,
Sharing capillaries.
You don’t have a penis,
But we’ve got two between us.

Now that I’m not with you,
Please hand me a tissue.
Haven’t masturbated,
Since we’ve been separated.

Shark Tank Wedding

The sharks are circling round,
We’re swimming up to the altar.
A wet suit is her gown,
I hope the sharks do not assault her.

The priest barks like a seal,
The chef’s preparing tuna,
The best man is an eel,
The bride’s maids all are barracudas.

One night I dropped a line,
It was the ring that caught her.
I hope she doesn’t mind
Getting married underwater.

Shark tank, it’s a shark tank wedding.

And then we’ll hit the coast
For snorkeling and heavy petting.
The best man makes a toast,
“Glub glub glub glub glub shark tank wedding.”

There’s a great white sitting on the groom’s side.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
We’re all caught up in the netting
At my shark tank wedding!

Son of Bridge Over Troubled Water

Tour bus rolls into Chicago.
Disgusting excess of cargo.
“This bridge looks great, I just can’t wait to defecate,
So come on, let’s go!”

Pull the lever, let it go
Into the dirty water down below.
The river’s deep, no one will know
If you pull the lever let it go.

A perfect day for a boat ride.
“I’m Dave and I’ll be your tour guide.
Sears Tower up on the left side.
Oh shit, what’s that up in the sky?!”

“LOOK OUT BELOW!”

Sugar Song

There’s never any cookies left.
I’m feeling so depressed.
Take me home to my mommy.

Mommy gimme sugar now, I gotta have it.
Mommy gimme sugar, gimme sugar, give it.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

SUVD

Soccer mom with gonorrhea,
I don’t wanna be ya.
Take up half the fucking road,
I’m gonna blow my sickly load.

Take your medication,
Suburban nation.
I don’t want your SUVD.

Urine Continent

I don’t care if you got no friends,
And I don’t care if you wear Depends.
I don’t care if you stain your pants,
It's all in the name of romance.

I don’t mind baby, it doesn’t matter,
Honey, if you can’t control your bladder.
You get so wet when I get so wet cause you get so wet,
So let it splatter!

You’re incontinent,
And I’m wantin’ it.
People stare at me,
I need therapy.
I’m in trouble.

Therapy.
Get so wet.
Baby.

I love you, but I can’t afford the laundry bill.
I’d rather be pissed on than pissed off.
Can’t control your urine stream,
Baby, you’re in my wet dream.

Why Aren’t you Dancing?

1, 2, 3, 4,
Why aren’t you out on the floor?
Why aren’t you dancing?

Move your hips, shake your feet,
Come on, get into the beat.
Why aren’t you dancing?

Everybody dance!

Why Are You Hitting Yourself?

If you touch my stamp collection,
You little mama’s boy,
You’re gonna hear me asking,
“Why are you hitting yourself?”

If you touch my Ninja Turtles,
You little piece of dirt,
I’m gonna hear you saying,

“How strange, how unexpected…
My own hand has turned against me.
I find myself a-wondering,
‘Why am I hitting myself?’”